Michael Fabricant rues eating raw Coffee Mate

September 5, 2008 by John Hirst

The Tory MP Michael Fabricant who wears a blonde wig was made to eat Coffeemate by Columbian soldiers who thought he was smuggling cocaine back to England for the leader of the Tory Party David Cameron. The side effect of eating the Coffeemate turned his wig a strange colour. Therefore he went out and bought a matching tie.

McCain picks Eva Braun as running mate

September 5, 2008 by John Hirst

Senator John McCain has chosen Sarah Palin with her Mrs Hitler-like hair style to be his running mate for the White House.

Spinmeister spun

July 10, 2008 by John Hirst

Tony Bennett sings I left my brain on a shelf in Tesco

July 9, 2008 by John Hirst

a) to make every effort to ensure that Kate and Gerry McCann are prosecuted for their admitted abandoning of their children six nights in a row in Praia da Luz
b) to change the law in whatever way is needed in order to send out a clear message to all parents that leaving young children on their own is never acceptable, and to strive for the adoption of a ‘Madeleine’s Law’ with its key message: “Never leave young children on their own”
c) to pursue – in conjunction with others – the truth about Madeleine McCann’s disappearance on 3 May 2007, and in particular to encourage Kate and Gerry McCann and the friends who were with them in Praia da Luz to tell the truth about Madeleine’s disappearance
d) to investigate the facts behind the extent of British government involvement in this case and the reasons for it
e) to ensure that the media, in particular the British media, report this case accurately and give due weight to the opinions of so many of the general public that the McCanns are withholding the truth about Madeleine’s disappearance
f) to demand a full-scale investigation by the relevant authorities into the activities of the Find Madeleine Fund private trust and to encourage the trustees of that fund to give full particulars about its income and expenditure to the public who have donated so generously to it with the express purpose of finding Madeleine
g) to generally promote the welfare of children, in particular by ensuring that parents are aware of the psychological needs of their children and ensuring that the relevant authorities take appropriate action to safeguard and promote the welfare of children.

Members will be invited to take part in all decision-making and will receive regular information about what the Madeleine Foundation is doing.

Please be patient if we feel the need to ask you one or two questions before accepting you into membership.

The Madeleine Foundation is only for those committed to achieving our above aims.

The disappearance of Madeleine McCann is both highly controversial and highly emotive. People have taken sides. Very strong words have been said on both sides. Poor Madeleine McCann has thus proved to be a divisive figure. For the McCanns and those who support them, the stakes are high.

The case of the disappearance of Madeleine McCann has many parallels with other cases where families have cried ‘abduction’ when their infant child has gone missing – only for us all to find out later that the child has died at the hands of the parents, whether accidentally, negligently or intentionally.

In such circumstances it is very possible that there may be people who wish to sign up to The Madeleine Foundation who are not in sympathy with our aims at all.

We await developments in Portugal and Leicestershire where two separate police forces are sitting on thousands of pages of evidence, in relation to an unexplained disappearance and possible homicide.

One thing is certain. There is precious little evidence of an abduction.

If no charges are brought against the McCanns, an Inquest must be held

Should the Portuguese police fail to bring any charges against Kate and Gerry McCann arising out of the circumstances surrounding the ‘disappearance’ of Madeleine McCann, it is the settled intention of the Madeleine Foundation to ask the relevant authorities, whether in Portugal or England, to hold an Inquest.

Inquests are routinely held on missing persons. Most will recall, for example, the Inquest held on the missing canoeist, who later turned up in Panama.

In the absence of a prosecution of the McCanns, an Inquest is the best method that would then be available of getting to the truth about how Madeleine McCann went missing. And it would enable the many witnesses who have remained silent until now to say in open court what they know about the events from 28 April to 4 May in Praia da Luz

If this isn’t satire it ought to be. Haven’t you thought of being a stand up comedian Anthony Bennett?

David Davis arrested by anti-terrorist police and held for 42 days

July 8, 2008 by John Hirst

News just in from Hull, East Yorkshire, England, states that the former Tory MP and thorn in David Cameron’s side, David Davis, has been arrested by anti-terrorist police. It is being alleged that Mr Davis, who is not a Muslim, was arrested in the MP-less constituency of Haltemprice and Howden. Apparently, he was distributing literature which could see terrorists avoid being held in custody for 42 days.

McCanns get more than they bargained for…

July 8, 2008 by John Hirst

The law is a pig’s ass

July 7, 2008 by John Hirst

Mrs Justice Oink: IT WAS AN ABDUCTION, GET IT??!!! THE SUSPECTS SAY SO!!!

Hat-Tip to Salsa

Public appeal for charity to support poor MPs and MEPs etc suffering from SITT

June 27, 2008 by John Hirst

SITT (more commonly known as Snouts In The Trough) effects many in the public service. You can help them by ensuring that they don’t have to dip into their own pockets like they do into the public purse.

For just £4.00 per month, and we will give you cash back to the value of 1p, that is a total of £3.99 required from your good selves, members of the public, to help cash strapped politicians have their own free copy of Total Politics.

Take a look at this deserving case. And more deserving cases here. This SITT takes on epidemic proportions, as exampled here.

Total Politics is a Tory rag. The idea was dreamt up by Iain Dale in his striped pyjamas.

Dale is well known as a seat-seeking Tory, who played a central role in David Davis’s bid to become party leader, and had his eyes on Maidstone, the safe Tory seat being vacated when Ann Widdecombe leaves Parliament“. You would have thought that he could easily squeeze into Widdecombe’s seat given its size, however, Iain Dale is famous for his political droop when it comes to scoring. Losing out in Norfolk, Maidstone, David Davis’ campaign for Tory leader, and the internet TV station 18doughtystreet.com.

Total Politics is  being bankrolled by Lord Ashcroft, who made his millions as a drug trafficker and money laundering, the DEA has files on his activities, and stays rich by being a tax evader.  Lord Ashcroft bought his peerage by being the Tory Party’s main financial backer. Total Politics operates from Lord Ashcroft’s orifice at 7 Cowley Street in London. The editor of Total Politics, Sarah MacKinlay, is kept in the broom cupboard at 10 Downing Street. On top of her is Shane Greer, the excutive editor.

Instead of politicians claiming expenses for Total Politics, the public can still pay for their pleasure by paying £3.99 per month so that politicians can read it on the toilet for free.

Please support this good cause. Just think where we would be if we did not have politicians with their snouts in the trough?

Philamyfund McCann in publicity stunt at Wimbledon

June 26, 2008 by John Hirst

Hat-Tip to lioned at the 3As forum

No McCann news whilst Wimbledon is on.

Total Politics: A total disaster

June 26, 2008 by John Hirst